Lies.

Some psychologists argue that people lie for the race of deceiving one another. The thrill of getting away with a lie, without being detected. This idea of self deception has evolved as a means of navigating the minefield of deceiving others. Some studies show that people lie 2.65 times per day. Although this may seem low, it shows that people misinform people, and tell a lie, avoid the truth or make something new up almost 3 times a day.

If lying is so evident in our daily lives, than how does anyone differ between the truth and a lie?

Admit it. We have all lied. We lied when our friend asked us if she looked nice, and we were all desperate to say she looked tacky. We lied when our employer asked us if we are hung over and we shake our head in denial. We lie to protect. We lie to avoid. Lying is part of our everyday lives. So can we really trust anyone? Trust is such a grey word that has no real meaning. The truth can be anything we want it to be. The truth can be manipulated so easily with a change of a word.

When it comes to relationships, how good are trust, truth and honesty? Is lying the best way forward, as the truth can be seen a selfish act to intentionally hurt someone. Lying can sometimes protect the person we are with.

We live in a world of lies. Nothing is true anymore, people lie, teachers lie, parents lie, adverts lie, TV programs lie, politicians lie, the news sometimes lies.

Where can we find the true source of anything?

The question is, can anyone tell the truth. Denying feelings is another form of lying. My recent boy asked me if I liked him the other day, and I said no. Do I? My inability to have feelings is perfectly clear, but was that two letter word ‘no’ a lie in itself? Do I like him? Or am I lying to protect myself from being hurt. What would happen if I said the truth, he would have heard what he wanted and probably stopped seeing me. Some people are scared of the truth, although we may think so desperately we want to hear something, the truth isn’t always what we want.

Maybe we would all be happy if we could live with lies. But being human beings, we feel the need to go out of way the gain the truth, gain the inside source, find the meaning.

The turning point of lying, the concept of lying and the interest into the theory behind lying came from my last relationship.

I got told a lie most days. I never even knew. It fascinates me how easily people can lie, and once you’re in a relationship with a liar, its effects take control over you. Soon I was the one lying, the one being able to manipulate, and soon our relationship became a game of who could get away with more and he could have the upper hand. I would ask him if he slept with someone and he would just say no, not a flicker, not a flinch, no blinking, no blushing, nothing. I used to look for some sign, some little movement that showed he was lying, but I got nothing. Soon, I was the one being questioned, and I used to stare at him so deep in the eye and just say no. Just lie. Without feeling, without worry. How could I be so heartless I used to think to myself? But then, he was doing the same, whilst I thought I had the upper hand sneaking around with his best friend, he was doing the exact same with mine. Funny how things work like that.

The point I make with lying.

We can all get away with it.

Maybe lying is healthy.

We all want to live a lie, but don’t know how to do it without feeling morally incorrect. Lying has become a part of us, in one way or another, even if it involves lying to ourselves.

So why stop now?

Your Secret Addict x

Casual or Complicated?

CASUAL OR COMPLICATED?

When it comes to complications in relationships it is usually down the big question of sex. When do we have? How long do we wait? What do we do? Will it be good? All these questions have thrown a curve ball in female teenagers logic. The standard format for a relationship in the 21^st century, seems to consist of a first time, guy meets girl, usually about 15/16 go out for the standard three months, and then the one time the parents are out, the special moment happens on a 10 year old sofa with the TV on.

Of course, there are the girls who are lucky enough to be blessed with a guy from the small margin of teenage male population, who actually make an effort, but in reality that is how it goes. As girls grow older, we mature sexually. It is said and proved scientifically that girls mature sexually a lot quicker than guys, if this is the case, then why is that girls become ‘emotionally attached’?

This is where the complication begins. As a girl who has had sexually experience for over four years, how do us girls get over being emotionally attached? It is said then when we have sex our bodies release a hormone, which causes us to feel an emotional attachment to that person.

If this is the case, then pray tell me, am I missing it? Or maybe I was born with a male emotion mentality. Myself, and I am sure many other girls out there, just don’t see the big deal. If guys can go around sleeping with everything and not remembering there names the next day, then why have the politics in society depicted girls as conservative, emotional and needy people. Is it our history where we are domesticated girls who wait until the ‘one’ or in old-fashioned terms the husband with the best prospects? Surely in the 21^st century women or girls have managed to move themselves away from this narrow-minded view. When looking at the situation of being causal or complicated, you must look at the viewpoint from both sides. Some girls like the idea of loosing it to the perfect guy and being in a solid relationship until they have sex, whilst other girls see sex as fun and casual, to them sex is an act and to girls with boyfriends sex is a symbol of love or in modern terms a way of giving your boyfriend what he really wants.

My latest research into this idea has come from two guys in my life. The current, who I wouldn’t say is ‘in my life’ but certainly in my bed, is a casual, funny, gorgeous guy who I have slept with. It all started when we were having a debate about why sex can’t be casual, and an hour after, talking over facebook, he was over in ten minutes. Now the sex, was great and the conversation after was fine, nothing too deep, nothing too light just a perfect in-between. It was all natural and it made me wonder why it can’t carry on like this without the complications. Then it dawned on me, it wasn’t the sex that was the complication, and it was the idea of emotions coming in the way. The second guy in my life, H, was the typical first boyfriend, cute, charming, cocky and arrogant in all the right ways and a complete ‘player’. As the usual teenage relationship goes, I believed I was the girl who he had really ‘fell for’, but in the end girls, you go for a player and he will always be a player, once a cheater always a cheater, and in the nicest way possible, one a dickhead always a dickhead.

Now this was a situation where sex came will all sorts of complications, I think mainly due to the fact I was not the only sleeping with him. All in all, I thought he broke my heart when I found out about the ‘sluts’ he had been sleeping with, which were not at all sluts, but in my over dramatic teenage stages, they most definitely were.

4 months later, I was over it.

So as my title states, causal or complication, and as I wonder if casual sex can remain that way without complications, I compare these two situations. With H, sex was always complicated, it made me too emotional and maybe it was from being emotionally damaged that I become unemotionally unattached.

As a person who is able to have sex without feeling anything, then maybe that is a complication in itself. So many girls believe that they are the ones who the guys will love because they wont become obsessed and ring them all the time, and stalk them on facebook 24/7 to see which other girls photos he has been liking, or whose wall he is writing on. Some girls may be able to say they don’t care, but some do. Sex in itself is a complication, because whomever we sleep with can never be altered. It is permanent.

All in all complications arise everywhere when girls are dealing with guys, and as pop psychology would have us believe, maybe we are from different planets. Although we may convince ourselves that sex can be casual, complications will start to happen. However, complications are the reason why its fun.

Your Secret Addict x

First Addiction

 

A secret is something which is meant to be kept away and unknown. so these are my secrets, they are unknown... but not to you, so lets keep it between us. I want to give you a little insight into my life and i hope you enjoy it. we can all get a little addicted from time to time, but there is nothing wrong with that ;)
addictions and secrets are the perfect mix.
enjoy.
<3